Global Warming Commits Suicide

Faced with a huge La Niña, temperatures realized they were doomed.

But the Polar Bears and Penguins are doing just fine.

Disclaimers for our more literal readers :

No animals were injured in the making of this post. The animals in the picture above are not real. They did not and could not commit suicide because they don’t have any fingers. Global warming is not real, and certainly not living, so it could not actually commit suicide.  Polar Bears and Penguins have real things to deal with, like cold, and don’t worry about global warming. This post is intended to be sarcastic, cynical and ironic.  Any further nitpicking can be directed to this number 1-800-328-7448.

About Tony Heller

Just having fun
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8 Responses to Global Warming Commits Suicide

  1. Scarlet Pumpernickel says:

    This is a very very complicated issue, I think another study is needed to check, just in case, maybe even ask some kindergarten children in a panel what they think, I’m sure they’ll do a better job.

    • cementafriend says:

      Good point Scarlet. This should be one of those obvious research results that confirms what everyone knows but these people get paid huge sums for their pathetic efforts. Anyone with an outside temperature gauge in their car could provide a similar statement and also provide measured data. I have a Subaru Forester with a temperature gauge. I live in an area with acreage properties and lots of trees (plenty of wildlife including snakes). The town centre is about two miles up a hill (which should make it about 0.5C cooler- 100m high) but it is always hotter by between 1 to 2 C day or night. The whole town area has about 35,000 people but has a small town centre as there are other shopping & industrial areas within 10 minutes drive ie the town is mainly residential.

      • Scarlet Pumpernickel says:

        Well, what’s hotter, the concrete or the grass. If people start walking barefoot a bit and get back in touch they will find out what is really obvious. I thought the meteorologists knew about this, since isn’t that why they do their adjustments for the urban heat effect, now they come up with the statement above as if they just have discovered it, so if they don’t even understand the urban heat effect, how they they adjust the temperatures to account for it as they do at the moment already?

  2. Philip Finck says:

    Re: urbanization heat. WOW!! I’m stunned or perhaps I am just stunned. I would never have guessed. Do I ever feel like a `small scientist’ in the shadow of the great minds! (Actually I don’t know about the mind but I’m not small at 6′ 4 1/2″ tall. 🙂

  3. truthsword says:

    LOL Lazarus, great in keeping with the original satire of this post!

  4. Martin C says:

    not sure if Lazarus’ post was satire . . .

    . . if not, and the penguins and bears are threatened by global warming, then they all must have died out already during the Medieval warm period, which was warmer than today . ..

    . . but, wait, they are still here . . gee, maybe they simply ADAPTED to the minor change in temps . . .

    who’d have figured they could do that . . . !

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